Autism Awareness

Posted on April 24, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

April is Autism Awareness Month.  Autism is a group of developmental brain disorders called autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Children with ASD usually display symptoms of social impairment, communication difficulties, and repetitive behaviors. These symptoms can vary significantly from one child to the next, from mild to severe.    If you have ever known a family that is dealing with autism then you understand the emotional and physical toll it can take on everyone in the family. Some dear friends of mine have a son with autism. His name is Greg and he’s now in his 20s. Greg was the most beautiful blond, blue eyed baby boy you have ever met and his family has loved him fiercely through the many trials that autism brings with it. His father, Rick Schostek has written a wonderful book about how their family has done just that, including how they learned to negotiate the special education and adult services systems. If you or someone you know is dealing with ASD I recommend this book. You will be inspired.

Amazon.com: What Happens Next? Raising a Son With Autism (9781450792998): Rick Schostek: Books

Posted in child mental health, mental health, parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

National Sleep Awareness Week

Posted on March 8, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

Can you remember a time when you were significantly sleep deprived?  The mental and physical “fog” that accompanies insomnia can zap us of our quality of life.  If  you’ve read my previous blog posts you know how important I believe good sleep is for your mental health.   The National Sleep Foundation agrees with me and is sponsoring National Sleep Awareness Week this week March 5-11, 2012.  Perhaps it is a good time to evaluate your sleep patterns and habits.  Do you suffer from insomnia? If so,  you know that sleep deprivation can take its toll on your mood, energy level, and quality of life.  Factors such as a new baby, menopause, depression, anxiety, as well as some medical problems can contribute to insomnia.  If health related issues are not a cause of your sleep problems, consider the following ways to improve your sleep.

  • Clean up your bedroom and use it for sleep and relaxation only.  Staring at piles of laundry or bills does not help you relax!
  • Determine how many hours of sleep  you need to feel rested.  How many hours of sleep do you need so you’re not feeling sleepy during the day? A good rule of thumb  for adults is 7-9 hours.  Kids need much more.
  • Establish a regular bedtime and be consistent, even on weekends.
  • Look at who’s sleeping in your bed!  If there are kids and pets there it may be time to help them learn to sleep in their own bed. ( A topic for another day!)
  • Get regular exercise to decrease body tension and symptoms of depression.  Less stress means better sleep.
  • Be careful of naps.  For some people short naps can be rejuvenating.  Others find naps interrupt their nighttime sleep.
  • Just before bed avoid physical and mental stimulation, including “screens” such as television and computers. ( This is really important for kids too.)
  • Develop rituals that signal the end of your day, such as having a cup of herbal tea, prayer or meditation, all behaviors that help shift your thinking from stressful daily tasks to relaxation and sleep.
  • Take a warm bath a couple of hours before bedtime to help you relax and induce drowsiness.

Do you have other tips for a good night’s  sleep?

The National Sleep Foundation has more information on their website  How Sleep Works | National Sleep Foundation – Information on Sleep Health and Safety

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40 days

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

In many faith traditions there is a time of personal exploration and repentance, a time for spiritual renewal, a time to change direction, if necessary.  In the Christian tradition today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the season of Lent.  Lent is a period of 40 days leading toward the celebration of Easter, the ultimate time of spiritual renewal and rebirth.  It is said that these 40 days are in remembrance of the  days Jesus spent in the desert battling with the devil.  I am not a theologian, by any means, but I prefer to think of it as Jesus battling with his internal demons, his self-doubt perhaps.   In the 26 years that I have been a psychotherapist it has become increasingly clear to me that all of us have our own internal demons, our own self-doubt, wells of insecurities, and shame.  In The Gifts of Imperfection author Brene Brown describes shame as “that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough.”  It is one of the obstacles, along with fear and vulnerability, that gets in the way of living what she calls a “wholehearted” life.    What are the internal demons that get in the way of your leading a wholehearted life?   Whether or not you observe the season of Lent, perhaps during the next few weeks as we move into spring, a time of new beginnings, we may find it meaningful to spend some time thinking about what is getting in the way of our living and loving with our whole hearts.

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Stress and Your Brain

Posted on February 20, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

When was the last time you thought about taking care of your brain?  Your limbic, or emotional brain is responsible for how you respond to stress.  It is the part of your brain that controls your emotional responses, your mood, your memory, your sense of smell, your desire to eat or have sex.  It is the brain center for your emotional wellness and that wellness is contingent upon your healthy limbic system.  Below is a list of things you can do on a daily basis to keep your limbic system healthy and resilient.

  • Get a massage
  • Meditate, Pray, Do Yoga
  • Listen to music
  • Rock in a chair or hammock
  • Laugh!
  • Spend time in nature
  • Exercise
  • Hug someone you love
  • Use aromatherapy.  Use lavender or chamomile for calming and citrus or mint for energy
  • Pet or brush your dog or cat
  • Take a bubble bath
  • Socialize with a cheerful friend
  • Eat a diet high in fruits, veggies, and whole grains
  • Replace saturated fats with omega-3 fatty acids
  • Seek counseling when necessary.

Do something today to take care of your limbic system.   Let me know what you do!

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It’s All About Priorities

Posted on February 5, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

Many of us are rushing through life feeling frustrated.  We’re frustrated because we aren’t doing the things that mean the most to us. Or we’re not doing enough of the things that bring us joy and we’re doing too much of the things that don’t bring us joy at all.  (That’s how I feel when I have to spend my precious few free weekend hours doing housework or going to the grocery store!)  It’s still early in the New Year.  Maybe it’s time for us to look at our priorities and see if how we’re spending our time is in line with those priorities.  Try this exercise that I’ve adapted from  The Single Parent Resource by Brook Noel.

1.  First, number these areas in order of importance to you:

  • Family
  • Relationships, friends, social life
  • Emotional Health ( self-care, hobbies, etc.)
  • Physical Health ( exercise, healthy cooking, medical care, etc.)
  • Career/Work
  • Spirituality ( church, prayer, meditation, study, groups)
  • Other (anything else that is really important to you)

2.  Now design a pie chart for how your life is currently balanced, assigning  a % for how you spent your time this past week.

3.  Are your priorities much different than how you spent your time last week, or are they in sync?  If they are too far out of sync, you are probably feeling frustrated.  You’re not spending your time in ways that are really important to you.

4. Now imagine how your pie chart would look ideally and draw that chart.  Now you have a way to measure your progress.  Compare how you spent your time last week to your ideal chart.  In the week ahead try to move toward spending your time that way and see if you begin to feel more joy and less frustration.

Let me know how it goes!

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Communicating with Adolescents

Posted on January 13, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

One of the most frequent complaints I  hear as a therapist has to do with parenting adolescents.  Parents often identify this time of a child’s life as the most difficult time to parent.  And while I understand why that’s the case, it was not my experience as a mother.  I loved parenting teenagers.  My youngest child will be a teenager for only 5 more months.  And while it has not always been easy, in general, I found parenting teenagers to be a lot of fun.  Here’s my  advice for enjoying this stage of parenting:

1.  Keep your sense of humor! First of all, laugh with your teenager.  Listen to what they think is funny.  Watch the Youtube videos that you hear them laughing about.  Watch their funny movies or tv shows with them occasionally.  Try not to be a prude…some of it may seem a bit over the top for you.  Laugh anyway!  Also, laugh with your spouse or friends of other teenagers about the crazy things your kids are doing.  It’s a good outlet for you to call a  friend and say, “You won’t believe what he’s doing now…”  Don’t take it all so seriously.

2.  Know your teenager’s friends. Be welcoming and friendly to them.  Let your kids know your home is open to their friends.  It’s the best way to know what’s going on in your kids lives.  It may make for a noisy weekend to have a house full of teenagers playing video games, but I always preferred that to having them at some other home and not knowing what was going on.  Also, don’t be overly critical of their friends.  If they’re using drugs or are bad influences in important ways, that’s one thing.  But if it’s just that you don’t like their pink hair or their pierced nose, keep your mouth shut.

3.  Remember that adolescence is a lot like being a toddler again.  One minute they need you. The next they want to do it themselves.  That’s normal.  Try to roll with it.

4.  Don’t act too shocked when they tell you something.  Listen  a lot more than talk.  And when they tell  you something and you want to drop your mouth open and say “WHAT??”, refrain from the reaction!  Sometimes they may be testing you to see how much they can say.  If you act too shocked they will stop talking.

5.  This may the most important of all…Don’t take it personally.  It’s rarely about you.  When they forget to call you when they get there, or when you don’t hear from them at college, or when they choose to spend spring break at the beach with their friends instead of with the family, it is not about you.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love you or appreciate you, or care about your feelings.  It means they’re growing up. Isn’t that what we want for them?  They still need you.  They just need you differently now!

How have you dealt with parenting adolescents?  What advice can you add?

Posted in adolescent mental health, parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

A New Year’s Resolution for Parents

Posted on January 1, 2012 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

As we ring in the New Year I believe it is the perfect time to look at our relationships and resolve to commit our best selves to those that are most important to us. That may be our spouse, or life partner, our friends, or certainly our children.  One thing I have learned in 25 years as a therapist and almost that long as a mother, is that what we pay the most attention to grows larger.  So, for example, if our kids are misbehaving and we give them a great deal of attention for that, they misbehave more.  If we have certain expectations for them, they usually rise to that level.  So maybe this is the year to use that to your and their advantage.  Perhaps this is the year to show your children how grateful you are for them on a daily basis.  Tell them every day something, however small, that you value about them.  It may be a talent, skill, or special quality that you really appreciate about them.  Make your positive comments  significantly outweigh your negative ones.  Commit to this for 2012, or at least commit to it for the next 3 months, and see what happens.  But let me warn you about something, especially if you have teenagers.  At first, it may seem that they don’t appreciate your comments.  They may not even acknowledge them.  Or they may give you a strange look, or roll their eyes.  That’s okay.  Just keep it up.  Do it without any expectation of immediate change.  Teenagers may take some time to “soften up,” especially if they’re used to hearing more criticism than compliments.  If you’re consistent, I suspect you will begin to see your relationships change in unexpected ways.  Let me know what you notice.

Happy New Year!

Posted in adolescent mental health, child mental health, parenting, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Importance of a Bedtime Routine

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

Last time I shared the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics regarding the amount of sleep children need at various stages of development. So how can we help them meet those recommendations?  First and foremost we have to establish a regular bedtime routine.  Children thrive with routine.  In fact, most behavior problems begin when kids are out of their normal routine and in a period of transition from one activity to another.  So put into place a bedtime routine that is manageable for you as a parent…one that you can faithfully execute nightly.  Decide what will be important for you and your child.  It may include bathtime, a bedtime story, songs, relaxing music, hugs and kisses, and then lights out.  Make the routine one you and your child  look forward to and then stick to it regularly.  It will eliminate a nightly negotiation of how and when to get ready for bed. Be careful about a few things.  Don’t use television as part of the bedtime routine.  There is research that suggests that the light and stimulation from the television inhibits good sleep.  It is important to help your child learn to self-soothe, that is learn to relax herself and let herself drift off to sleep on her own, in her own bed.  If your child is getting into the habit of climbing into your bed at night, work with him to help him learn to sleep through the night in his own bed.  That may mean getting up repeatedly to put him back in his own bed until he is sure you mean it!  This helps him gain confidence in his abililty to soothe himself.  This is an important step for both of you toward a good night’s sleep on a regular basis.

What do you include in your child’s bedtime routine?

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Good Night, Sleep Tight–The Importance of Sleep

Posted on November 2, 2011 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

Why do so many of us have problems with sleep? As a culture, it seems we undervalue sleep and rest, in general. Perhaps we feel to rest and get a full night’s sleep is lazy. “We need to get everything done. Who has time for sleep?” It’s taking a toll on us. It’s also taking a toll on our children. So often parents come to see me with concerns about their child’s behavior. “He won’t listen.” “She’s irritable and can’t sit still.” When I ask about sleep I often hear that the child is staying up very late, has no regular bedtime routine, or is 8 years old and still sleeping with his parents, usually his/her mother. The child and parents are all over tired. If we’re going to handle significant behavior issues, we have to first begin with basics. The child needs to be eating healthy food, getting plenty of exercise and fresh air, and enough sleep regularly. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Sleep Foundation recommends the following:

  • Toddlers, 1-3 years old, should get 12-14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.
  • Preschoolers, 3-5 years old, should get 11-13 hours of sleep per night.
  • Kids 5-12 years old should get 10-11 hours per night.
  • Teenagers should get 8.5-9 + hours per night.
Are your kids getting enough sleep?  Are YOU ?  What gets in the way of you and your children sleeping well?  Next time I’ll share some tips for helping your child and yourself get a better night’s rest.
Posted in adolescent mental health, child mental health, parenting | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Television and Kids

Posted on October 24, 2011 by Gretchen Derda (Woosley), MSW, LCSW

Recently the American Academy of Pediatrics warned that children under 2 years of age should not spend any time in front of televisions, computers, or other “screens.” They stated that the time spent in front of these screens is not beneficial to young children in any way and prevents them from being involved in activities that are beneficial, such as interaction with other people. They go on to discourage putting televisions in children’s bedrooms. To this I give a resounding, “YES!” For years I have discouraged parents from putting televisions in their kids bedrooms for several reasons:

  • Parents can not monitor what or when the children are watching.
  • Children need to learn to fall asleep by self-soothing, not by watching television.
  • Children and teens will watch more television if they have constant access to it.
  • They don’t learn how to “share” the family television if they have one of their own.
  • And this is one of the most important …Having children and teenagers come into the den to watch television forces them out of their room and into the family space.  Parents and kids get to see each other and interact more often!
I realize it requires more effort from parents to do this.  After all, we have to share the television too.  However, I think the benefits far outweigh the hardship. A few years ago I also encouraged parents not to allow computers in children’s bedrooms for the same reasons.  Now, that is more difficult because so many schools require kids to have laptops for classwork and homework.  I still say that limiting computer time and encouraging kids to use a computer in a family space is worth considering.   How do you handle this issue in your family?


Posted in adolescent mental health, child mental health, parenting | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments